A Place for Me

I am so hungry today and I don't know why. I have eaten so I shouldn't be so hungry! I attempted to eat a tuna sandwich but the tuna was icky and I couldn't finish it. It just seems like nothing I am eating today is satifying me! How irritating.

I'm trying to drink a Slim Fast but it's not that tasty. I wish I had a burger and some fries or some pizza. Pizza would be good....

I made some almond pound cake last night and it was fabulous.  I topped it with this peach praline sauce and had a little ice cream on the side.  Man was it good!

A lady here at work won't eat a banana if it has even one brown spot on it so she always gives me her "old" bananas.  She brought me like 7 today so I am going to make some banana nut bread.  Yum. 

I totally missed church yesterday.

I was supposed to have two jewelry shows this weekend, Saturday and Sunday, but only the Saturday show happened. When the lady called to reschedule I was actually relieved because I am just so darn tired. So anyway Saturday after the show I got home and my wonderful hubby had cleaned the house! I'm telling you, if you wanna put me in the mood, have the house clean when I get home! I HATE coming home to a messy house. So needless to say he got lucky

Mom was bringing the kids back from a birthday party so we picked them up and headed to Jonathan's parents' house. We hung out for awhile there then went to grab a bite to eat at Firehouse Subs. They have GREAT sandwiches and lots of hot sauces to choose from. Then we stopped by the Family Chrisitan Bookstore and bought a few things. I got a book by Dr. Dears on Christian parenting and hopefully I'll get to actually read it!

Sunday morning I woke early to feed Xander then fell back asleep only to wake again at 10! I couldn't believe I slept that long! I guess I was really tired. I did make an effort to get myself and the kids ready for church but it wasn't happening. Church starts at 10:30 and since Jonathan had to work I was alone in getting everyone ready. So we stayed home and played and napped and it was great!

I think I have figured out the nipple issue. We had introduced new smaller nipples to Xander and I think because of that he forgot how to nurse. It takes a completely different sucking action to nurse than it does to drink from a skinny bottle nipple. So now I am trying to retrain him and heal at the same time. I knew that God was allowing me to go thru this so that I could help someone else having this problem. I just didn't know it would be so soon. Last night at Walmart I was standing in the bottle and formula alise when two ladies walked up and one asked the other if she planned to breastfeed and she said yes. She then starting asking if using a regular nipple would when bottle feeding would be ok. I had to speak up. I asked if I could share my experience and she said Please! So I told her about my problem and that now I won't use anything other than the wide nipples from Playtex. I am convinced that was the problem. So anyway, I hope that prevents her from having the same problem as me. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

I heard this morning on the radio that the show The Book of Daniel was pulled from the line up. I am happy to hear about this. The show was a complete diss to the Christian faith. I understand we are all sinners and no one is perfect but portraying a family like the one on the show as a typical "Christian family" is crazy. Not to mention the fact that the white-robed, fake bearded Jesus figure was weird.

Here is an article I got from AFA Media:
AFA Says NBC’s Pulling of “Daniel” Shows Power of Pocketbook

(Tupelo, MS) - The American Family Association (AFA) says that NBC’s decision to pull “The Book of Daniel” shows the power of the pocketbook.

“NBC didn’t want to eat their economic losses,” said AFA Chairman Donald E. Wildmon. “Had NBC not had to eat millions of dollars each time it aired, NBC would have kept ‘Daniel’ alive. But when the sponsors dropped the program, NBC decided it didn’t want to continue the fight.”

According to WorldNetDaily, “effective immediately,” the show has been cancelled.

“This shows the average American that he doesn’t have to simply sit back and take the trash being offered on TV, but he can get involved and fight back with his pocketbook,” Wildmon said. “We want to thank the 678,394 individuals who sent emails to NBC and the thousands who called and emailed their local affiliates.”

NBC touted the show as a serious drama about Christian people and the Christian faith. It featured Daniel Webster as a drug-addicted Episcopal priest, his alcoholic wife, a very unconventional white-robed, bearded Jesus, a 23-year-old homosexual Republican son, a 16-year-old drug dealing daughter and a 16-year-old adopted son who is having sex with the bishop’s daughter. In the premier episode, Daniel's brother-in-law Charlie ran off with Jesse, his secretary. Later viewers found out that Jesse was also having a lesbian affair with Charlie's wife.

According to media reports, the show was written by Jack Kenny, a practicing homosexual, who described himself as being “in Catholic recovery,” interested in Buddhist teachings about reincarnation, and not sure exactly how he defined God and/or Jesus. “I don't necessarily know that all the myth surrounding him (Jesus) is true,” he said.

I just added a new pic of my kids under my profile. I'm such a proud mama. Forgive me :)

This was taken in December.

Ok so this is my time to rant so if you don't want to hear me rant, I suggest you stop here. Also, this is not complaining, I am just getting out my frustrations. If you don't like TMI (too much information), then stop here.

My kids have been such restless sleepers lately that it keeps Jonathan and I up most of the night. Usually Rayna is a pretty still sleeper but here lately she has been thrashing around and kicking and flailing her arms and legs. This was bad enough but now that her Nana bought her those PJ's with the rubber soles on the feet it's even worse. Imagine a rubber soled foot kicking you and then dragging down your bare arm or back. Doesn't feel so good. Then there is Xander. He usually only wakes up 2-3 times a night to nurse but this week it's been like every hour and when I try to give him his pappy he just gets mad. So I have to end up nursing him back to sleep.

That is bad enough but throw on top of that the fact that I have cracked and sore nipples (cause unknown, maybe thrush) and you have major pain. It brings me to tears to nurse him and I don't know what to do. I refuse to quit but it HAS entered my mind.

So all that was last night. This morning I was crabby from lack of sleep but thank God the kids were in a good mood and let me get ready for work in peace. Except for when Xander decided to blow out his diaper and mess up the bed linens. It took me 10 minutes to clean up the mess all the while he's smiling and cooing. So in order for me not to be late I decided to take my makeup with me and slap it on in the car. Apparently in the hysteria of carrying both kids to the car and reminding myself not to forget his milk, I forgot to grab my makeup. *sarcastic smile*

So unbeknownest to me I have left my makeup at home and I am on my merry way to drop the kids off with my father in law. But wait, they're working on the road at the entrance to our subdivision and I can't get out. UGH! Finally those dump trucks pull out of the way and I am on my way again. I get to my in laws and take the kids inside. I remembered I forgot my lunch so I ask if I can mooch some leftovers to take with me and he obliges. Thank you John!

Off I go again to work and half way there I realize I have NO makeup and it's way too late to go back for it. Traffic is slow for some unknown reason (no wreck in sight...) so I end up being late anyway and I am so caught up in forgetting my makeup that I leave my lunch in the car.

I got into work and decided I would stay secluded in my office today so that no one would notice I was without makeup. But wouldn't you know that today we were celebrating a co-workers birthday and I get to see EVERYONE in the office. Yay! So there is no hiding it now.

After our little celebration my father in law calls to tell me that there was a hole in one of the milk bags I brought over. Seems all the milk leaked out and he wasn't going to have enough milk for the baby now unless someone brought him some more. Great...

So it's now 12:16p and I just ate my lunch (which had sat in my car from 7:30a until 11:30a) and I just hope I don't get sick...
That would be the icing on the cake.

There, I feel better now. *sigh*

I am a loving person for the most part but there are times when I am just absolutely hateful and mean. It's like my flesh completely takes over and it's so powerful. I find that this battle is almost an everyday one and sometimes wonder if I need medication to calm myself down. I don't know that I really believe in medication to cure something like that because I know that the Holy Spirit can help me. It's just so powerful to the point I don't even like myself sometimes.

I just want to react to things better and not yell at my daughter when she does something wrong. Yelling doesn't help anyone but at that moment I don't know how to get out my frustration. I guess I can start by doing the ole count to ten method. That would at least give me time to think before I act.

How in the heck did I get #2 on Hot Blogs?

Anyway, church was great yesterday. We had a guest speaker and he was great. He spoke on the Holy Spirit and alot of what he said I had never really thought about before. Did you know that the Holy Spirit is a person? I didn't either. We tend to think of a person as a human body. If someone you love dies and you see them in the coffin, isn't that just a shell you are looking at? The person that they were is now passed on. Either to heaven or hell. What makes a person a person is their mind, their thoughts, their personality.

The Holy Spirit has thoughts and emotions so that makes "him" a person. (Gender isn't relevant) The bible says you can grieve the Holy Spirit. If you can grieve something surely it is much more than an "it". A "thing". It's a person.

Jesus had to leave earth before he could send us the Comforter. The Holy Spirit. In John 14 it says:
15"If you love me, you will obey what I command. 16And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— 17the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[c] in you.

He spoke about fellowshipping with the Holy Spirit and listening to the still small voice. Conversations are a two way street. If it were you and a friend fellowshipping would you let that friend talk or share their opinion? Have you ever been ignored? Have you ever had an idea that was rejected? How did you feel? That is how the Holy Spirit feels when we don't give "him" the opportunity to speak to us.

The part that spoke most to me was when he was talking about sailing and harnessing the power of the wind. He said alot of times we're out there on the ocean in our little rowboat just rowing like crazy. Our arms are tired, our muscles are burning and there is no way we are making it to land on our own. We do that in life. We try to do things by our own might when it's fruitless. The Holy Spirit is our Helper. Instead we need to hoist a sail and let the wind carry us across the sea. Harness the power of the Holy Spirit and things get a little easier to bear.

I am a very independent person and I tend to try to conquer everything on my own so this message spoke to me. I also realize I need to slow down sometimes and listen more to the Holy Spirit.

Like you've heard before, we've got two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen more, speak less.

He was wounded for our transgressions...

Our Pastor always has a powerful message and last night was no different.
On Wednesday nights he teaches (not preaches) on Proverbs. Last night was on Proverbs 14:10 which says:
The heart knoweth his own bitterness (sorrow), and a stranger doth not intermeddle (interfere) with his joy.

Basically the whole point of his sermon was that only Jesus can truly know our sorrow or pain. No matter how much someone loves us; they can never know the full extent of how we feel. Only Jesus can because He was wounded for our transgressions and bruised for our iniquities. They split His body in half like a piece of firewood. He had to go through that so that He would be able to know our pain and sorrow. All our pain, our sin, all our weaknesses, all our sorrows fell on Him at that moment and He endured it all. So He is the only one who can TRULY sympathize with us and encourage us.

So if someone ever says to you, I feel your pain, or I know how you feel, they truly don’t, only Jesus can.

The second part of that verse is saying: A stranger can’t interfere with your joy. No one can take your joy of the Lord away…..unless you let them. The bible says that the joy of the Lord is our strength. So if we lose that joy, then we are weak. Did God take it away? No. Either we allowed someone to steal our joy or we just lost it. In order to be spiritually strong we have to have the joy of the Lord.

I wish I had written down all the scripture verses he gave us because his whole message was so powerful and I know I don’t do it justice here. But I like to share what I have been learning.

Falling in Love with Jesus.

I ran across a blog today about a girl searching for faith. She had come to the realization that she was never really a “Christian” she was just going through the motions.

It made me think. Falling in love with Jesus and going through the motions are two different ends of the stick. You can usually tell what end the person is on within 5 minutes of meeting them (or within 2 minutes of visiting their page…).

Don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect at all. There are times when I have been lukewarm in my faith, but that is all part of traveling through life. I am not proud of those times but I don’t dwell on them either.

This girl whose blog that I read was disgusted with “Christians” acting holier than thou and then sinning just like everyone else. Now with the fact that everyone sins set aside, I know what she means. People acting holy pointing out someone else’s flaws and here they are addicited to porn, or pain killers, or whatever.

The problem is that outsiders (non-believers) look as us (Believers) as an example. We are supposed to mirror Jesus so that when someone looks at us they see Him. But because of our nature that is so hard for us to do. Of course we are going to fall. But we have to get right back up.

How do we mirror Jesus? We have to fall in love with Him. Can you truly fall in love with someone you don’t know? Doesn’t loving someone mean loving their hearts, their thoughts and attitudes? Their desires? How do you come to love someone? You spend time with them. We have to spend time with Jesus in order to fall in love with him. When we fall in love with him, not only will we want to please him, we will want to mirror him. That is what being a Christian is about.

I love Jesus because of what he has done for me and mostly because of WHO he is. The fact that he loves me with an unconditional love is amazing. We are so unworthy to be loved by the King of Kings, but we are his creation and he loves us so much he died for us. Wow, that just blows me away.

In church during worship sometimes I am just struck suddenly by my unworthiness and how God could have (should have) turned his back on me but he didn’t. No matter how far I drift from him he never lets me go. He is always there running to me when I turn his way. There is a song that makes me cry everytime I hear it. It’s called When God Ran. Here are the lyrics:

Almighty God,
The Great I Am
Immoveable Rock,
Omnipotent powerful

Awesome Lord,
Victorious Warrior
Commanding King of Kings
Mighty Conquerer,

And the only time,
the only time I ever saw Him run

Was when He ran to me,
Took me in His arms, held my head to His chest
And said "My son's come home again".
Looked in my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
He said "Son, do you know I still love you?"

It caught me by surprise when God ran

The day I left Home,
I knew I'd broken His heart
I wondered if
Things could ever be the same,
Then one night,
I remembered His love for me
And down that dusty road, ahead I could see
It's the only time,
the only time I ever saw Him run
Was when He ran to me,
Took me in His arms, held my head to His chest
And said "My son's come home again".
Looked in my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
He said "Son, do you know I still love you?"

It caught me by surprise, He brought me to my knees
When God ran
I saw Him run to me
And then I ran to Him

Holy God, Righteous One
Who turned my way
Now I know, He's been waiting
For this day

How awesome is that!? I can see a man who waits for a son or daughter to come back home after drifting away. He never stops waiting and as soon as he sees them in the distance coming his way, he runs. He runs to hug his child. It doesn’t matter what they did, he is just glad they are home, back in his arms. They are forgiven.

Which is another thing that is in the back of my mind today: forgiveness. My pastor touched on this subject yesterday morning during his sermon and I wanted to share it here because it struck a chord with me.

This is a long passage but it’s a great lesson in forgiveness:

Matthew 18:21-35

21 Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. 23 Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, 'Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.' 27 Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. 28 But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, 'Pay me what you owe!' 29 So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.' 30 And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. 31 So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. 32 Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?' 34 And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. 35 So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."

Peter was looking for a loophole. But Jesus is saying, forgive as many times as you have to. If Jesus forgave our debt by dying for us, how can we not forgive our fellow brother or even a non-believer for something they have committed against us, even if it’s something they have done repeatedly? Now this doesn’t mean if someone is abusing you or hurting you physically you shouldn’t leave that relationship. You should if it’s at all possible, but forgive that person. I am talking about someone that lies to you, or talks about you, or borrows money and doesn’t repay it. Why would we not show the same compassion that Jesus had on us? If you are a Christian living with unforgiveness, please let it go. It will only poison you.

I preach to myself alot of the time. I am not perfect and I struggle everyday. I truly do want Jesus to be proud of me.